I'd like to apologize in advance for today's post. Those who are easily offended or are my In Laws should probably stop reading right now. So, go ahead, click away. You've been here long enough to register an all-important hit, so don't worry about it, your stat has been counted. Go surf someplace else. Really, it's for the best. So with that said, I'd like to discuss the main thing that comes to my mind while watching the RNC: Would I have sex with any of these people? Now mind you, I am a happily married man and this is just harmless speculative fantasy, and really, In Laws, I told you you should have left sentences ago, so leave already. At any rate, I like to think of myself as an open-minded person. Just because you may be an anti-choice, gun-toting, homophobic war monger doesn't mean I wouldn't share my high-end waterbed with you. I'm an equal-opportunity fantasy speculator. But I have to be honest, after scanning the convention hall for a good fifteen seconds I can say that I wouldn't have sex with any of them. Not even their Vice Presidential nominee, Dan Quayle. Sure she wears a skirt suit well and those LensCrafters specials hold an odd allure, but I'm afraid she doesn't really do anything for me. Although, I can understand what John McCain sees in her. He clearly has mother issues, what with his grumpy father treating her poorly and his penchant for wearing frilly shirts and makeup and singing tortured rock ballads. So it makes sense that he would select Dan Quayle for his running mate and want to see her laughing in the "Purple Rain". She fills a void and he is an American hero for recognizing that.

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