I'm back from New York City. The reading went quite well, and I even sort of won it, at least partially, but I'll update you on that at a later date. Today, I'd like to address an issue that has come up having to do with the comments section, which lately has become a refuge for kind yet bored people to waste their free time away.

Now, to be clear, I love it when someone leaves a comment on my blog. It makes me feel special and important and handsome. Plus when a new one is posted I allow myself another donut. So, yes, comments are fantastic. I love you for writing them. However, multiple comments, particularly multiple comments a day by the same people over and over again, make me want to spit out my donuts, which is a waste of something very beautiful. And I hate to waste beautiful things.

You see, this is my blog. It's written by me. It's about me. It champions me. So if you'd like to say something about me or the little nuggets of wisdom I bestow upon you through my daily posts, that's fine. But it shouldn't take you more than one or two comments to say it. Anything more than that and there is probably a chapter in DSM with your name in it. People write blogs because they want the world to see how special and important and handsome they are. So if the discourse in a blog's comments field veers away from what the blogger has written about, it kind of makes his comments section look like a playground for lonely people who, though mean well, make the blog look kind of lowbrow.

I understand that some of you like think of yourselves as part of some sort of social community, but if Utter Wonder stands for anything, it stands against social communities. I lived in a commune in Ohio as a child, so I know plenty about social communities, thank you very much. This is why I rarely leave my home and spend most of my time mocking others behind their backs. It's also why I abhor anything with beets, but that's another story. At any rate, there are plenty other places online for you to socially communitize. While I don't partake in such things, I understand that there are even private "rooms" where you can "chat" and do whatever you like with others, anonymously even. But Utter Wonder is not one of these places. I thought that was obvious, but apparently some of you have failed to understand this.

So from now on, if you write more than two comments a day on the site I will substitute your superfluous comments with lyrics from my favorite R&B songs of the '70s and '80s. Sure, there might be times I might cut you some slack, for instance if you use an additional comment to applaud a fellow commenter for writing how hilarious a post of mine was, but anything else and you're getting the first verse from "Reasons" by Earth Wind and Fire.

Sorry it had to come to this, but these are new and ever changing times. This country's economy is tanking, my book is ranked in the top 300,000 on Amazon and chimpanzees have begun to mount their revolt. So before it gets all Planet Of The Apes up in here, I think we need to make some changes.

Have a nice weekend.