I'm happy to say that I've now lived to see my North Carolina Tar Heels win four NCAA championships. This most recent one was by far the most boring as they pretty much trounced every team they played. All the same, though, it may be the most gratifying victory of them all because right now they are the best program in college basketball and this makes me feel like an important and powerful man. You see, when your favorite team wins it means that you are better than everyone else because you were right to root for them. So you're smarter, wiser, cooler, and better-looking than everybody else. Sorry, that's just the way it goes. Your team lost; my team one. I am better than you are. Don't try to pretend otherwise. You're weak; I'm strong. I could totally trounce you. I could rip your arm off if I wanted to. With my nose. But I won't, though. That's not my style. Plus I'm too busy looking at myself flex in the mirror. It's a beautiful view.

I love winning.