This blog is still under the control of Somali pirates. No thanks to you. Would it kill you to pay the ransom? No, it would not. Dent your wallet maybe, but death? No. I mean, don't you want this blog to go back to normal? Don't pretend you haven't missed the fair-to-middling blog posts I typically write. You're not a good pretender. Suck at it, actually. Anyways, yep, I'm still a hostage. It hasn't been terrible; as pirates go, Somali pirates are friendly enough. Plus they smell great. It's like a flower show up in here. But if the ransom doesn't get paid Easter is going to be ruined. I've dropped hints about our planned Easter egg hunt, but the Somali pirates haven't been particularly responsive. All they do is frown and tell me to make them more sandwiches. I can't tell you how many cans of tuna I've opened in the last two days.

Arrgh. A pirate's life is not for me.

Anyway, I gotta get back to my hostaging. Not that you care, but you can now follow every single second of my sordid and mind-numbing life on Twitter. I'll be sending updates about my plight throughout the weekend.

Happy Easter and Passover and what have you.