Isn't it always a set-up? Always a bloody glove left in just the right spot or someone else's weed in your pocket. Or a stranger you shared your fantasies with on the internet lured to your parents bedroom by the police and told to hold a large knife.

I remember a time when you wrote funny blogs. Good times, man, good times.

when will this blog resume? we need more idle thoughts, please.

I still visit in hopes of some funny thoughts.

Go to Twitter and search crmonks. It's not what we're used to but it's something.

If C's on Twitter does that make him a Twit? Just askin'.

阿彌陀佛 無相佈施

不要吃五辛(葷菜，在古代宗教指的是一些食用後會影響性情、慾望的植
物，主要有五種葷菜，合稱五葷，佛家與道家所指有異。

近代則訛稱含有動物性成分的餐飲食物為「葷菜」，事實上這在古代是稱
之為腥。所謂「葷腥」即這兩類的合稱。 葷菜
維基百科，自由的百科全書
（重定向自五辛） 佛家五葷

在佛家另稱為五辛，五種辛味之菜。根據《楞嚴經》記載，佛家五葷為大
蒜、小蒜、興渠、慈蔥、茖蔥；五葷生啖增恚，使人易怒；熟食發淫，令
人多慾。[1]

《本草備要》註解云：「慈蔥，冬蔥也；茖蔥，山蔥也；興渠，西域菜，云
即中國之荽。」

興渠另說為洋蔥。) 肉 蛋 奶?!

念楞嚴經 *∞窮盡相關 消去無關 證據 時效 念阿彌陀佛往生西方極樂世界

我想製造自己的行為反作用力
不婚 不生子女 生生世世不當老師

log 二0.3010 三0.47710.48 五0.6990 七0.8451 .85
root 二1.414 1.41 三1.732 1.73五 2.236 2.24七 2.646
=>十3.16 π∈Q' 一點八1.34

Thanks for the suggestion. I tried to follow him on Twitter, but I discovered I hate Twitter. Alas, poor me.

The fame, the celebrity, the adoring fans...maybe it was just too much too fast. In any case, Mothers' Day stinks without C's blog. What am I supposed to do with all my free time? Oh well, I'll have another free day next year.

So......anyone watching Dancing With The Stars?

Nope. I'm hooked on Ghost Whisperer.

I just never got into the Ghost Whisperer, but Jennifer Love Hewitt is *adorable*.

Does C know his fan base stops at his blog to leave random messages?

He's too busy rolling around naked in big piles of money to be concerned with our aberrant behavior.

Speaking of aberrant behavior...that David Conrad is gorgeous. And he's from Pittsburgh to boot. Ohhhh.

You're so bad!

;-)

Maybe I continue to stop by and see the comments made by C's old fan base.

We wish you would, Patti. We feel like we're in a better class of people with you here.

If Pussycat Nicole doesn't win.......then the whole thing is rigged.

Win what?

Dancing With The Stars, of course....sheesh!

Oh. Sorry I missed that. Well, not really.

Is C going to be on Dancing with the Stars? Did anyone watch Lost? I didn't but it looked really good.

I'm not so sure C would make out good with dancing. His toes seem to be constantly bruised as it is. Although, a wipe out may make for some good TV. And sorry for the reminder about C's toes.

I'd vote for C's 'Frodo-esque' toes.....as long as keeps those bad boys away from Pussycat Nicole.

Are you crushin' on Nicole Shady?

I'd stick a straw in her bathwater.

I would think that would take too long. I'd suggest either pulling the plug or joining in.

So......anyone done their taxes, yet?

They're done and the refund spent. New windows for the house. woo.

If you hear a knock on your door be very careful when you answer Shady. The IRS doesn't play nice.

So, do you actually know the elusive Mr. Monks, or just stumbled on this blog like me. Actually a friend of mine told me to come here when it first started up. Why isn't there any more blogging?

I've never met Monks, but I find his literary style to be a perspicacious social barometer of contemporary living.

Plus, it makes milk come out of my nose.

I think C. has become mesmerized by Twitter. Either that or he simply dumped us.

We are most impressed by your language skills Shady. Now go wash your face.

"Now go wash your face."...... that's what *she* said!
HAYOOOOO!

Just remember Shady, a clean face is one that should receive a "pog". More than one possibly.

If pog is Propulsion Operations Guide, I don't get it.

It's not rocket science Shady. Do a little research and I'm sure you'll figure out what "pog" is. ;-)

Oh, an Irish kiss! Sorry, I didn't recognize it because I've never seen it written or heard it spoken without being slurred.

I think it is more meaningful when said in a non-slurred state. Clarity of purpose. And intent. :)

I hate Twitter. You two are pretty funny. Do either of you have a blog I can read?

I wouldn't advertise any other blogger's blog on another blogger's blogsite. I mean, it's one thing to hijack the comments section, but poaching readers like that is likely to cause Monk's to hunt me down and strike me repeatedly about the eyes/ears/nose/throat.

I'm sorry Patti but I'm blogless. Hopefully, my attempts at humor on this blog will suffice. :)

Shady, if C. goes ninja on you just pummel him. Most likely he'll remain in his Twitter trance for some time to come so I think you're safe.

I agree with Elle. This blog has been barren for all intents and purposes for many, many, months. And if Mr. Monks decided to write his blog in the future, I would surely read it again along with yours.

Patti, you do know that Elle is just Monk's alternate personality, right? He uses that name when he's wearing red high-heels and feeling especially sassy.

You are partially correct Shady. Sometimes I do feel sassy but I don't wear red high-heels. I wear wine colored ones. :)

I *do* have a blog and, although it may not be as funny as Monk's blog, it is available in environmentally-friendly "to go" boxes so you can throw them out the window when you're finished. So, I got that going for me.

What else do you have going Shady? Because if your "to go" boxed blog is it....lo siento.

I'm not the one on trial here, bruja ;)

Who said anything about a trial senor? If you're implying that I'm bewitching, thank you. If you're referring to something else beware - I may cast an enchantment on you brujo. :)

Thanks to you both. I am off to read a new blog!!

Uh oh. Are we boring you Patti?

No, no. But I can't read the Onion all day. And I thought maybe C had you on his "friends" list, but I can't tell. If you would be so kind as to send me a link, I would appreciate it.

I'm not on any of C's lists that I know of. Perhaps Shady can send you the link you're looking for. I gotta get me some free ice cream! Do you have a hazmat suit I can borrow?

As Monks finds me: "personally offensive" and "abrasive", I am not on his friends list. Sorry.

Shady, you are not offensive, personally or otherwise. You may be abrasive if you didn't shave today. ;)

Maybe we should tell C's other readers about the comment site on his blog. And Shady, I think you are very funny with an excellent command of the English language. How refreshing!

I've always thought Shady was tall, suave, and debonair. And him talk good too.

Yes, Rico Suave.

No, no, no. Rico Suave was not suave he was Cheese-E. Think Cary Grant.

I'm thinking about the great poet, Bob Seger, when he wrote: "I ain't good looking, but you know I ain't shy."

I like Bob Seger. His song Roll Me Away is one of my favs. I will say that if you think you aren't good looking Shady you need to purchase a new mirror or get some new glasses. You're not seeing clearly. :)

I love Bob Seger too. And Rico Suave can be very charming. That's why he's so smooth. But Cary Grant is Cary Grant. Hard to get smoother than that.

I always thought Rico Suave was more of a Lounge Lizard. Skanky even. Ick.

I hardly ever make a decision without asking myself: "What would Steve McQueen do?" I think that would make a nice bracelet.

Steve McQueen was the King of Cool. Much better choice than Rico Skanko.

I think mostly S McQ would just drive really fast. With a leather jacket.

Lounge lizard and skanky sound very unappealing. I withdraw my Rico Suave reference.

".....just drive really fast with a leather jacket." I remember a time when that was my entire weekend.

You can still drive really fast wearing a leather jacket Shady. Just make sure to wear your seatbelt for safety. :)

Weekends now consist of cleaning the house, going out (daytime only), and staying home in the evening, going to be by 10 and getting up by 7. I'm turning into my mother.

lol. It happens to us all Patti. Although I still stay up till 12a. Makes getting up harder but I have to maintain my status as a Night Owl or they'll revoke my membership.

The last time I had a good night's sleep, "BJ and The Bear" was still on television. Not that the show induced slumber, mind you, because the level of acting on that show was way above par.

Oh my goodness. Shady, I prescribe a nice hot bath followed by a backrub. I guarantee you will have the best night's sleep ever.

"...hot bath..."

You sayin' I stink?!?!?

Nothing of the sort. Concentrate on all of the pleasurable aspects of both activities in the sentence. ;)

Soooooooo, anyone else think Monk should just turn his old site into a social network? I think "monkspace" has a nice ring to it.

You're a majority of one with that idea.

Monkface?

Oh no. Shady, I think your lack of a good night's rest is catching up with you. "Monkface" sounds like some sort of disease.

There's just no pleasing you people.

Hey, I have high standards. Give it your best effort and I'm sure you can come up with something I'd find pleasing. Delightful even. I have faith in you. :)

Yes, a nice bath and massage. Sounds wonderful in theory. Unless you're my husband who's idea is a massage is trying to separate my muscles. In which case I go to sleep more stressed than I started. Poor guy, he really thinks he's going a great job.

HA! Monkface!

I'm sorry your hubby's massage leaves you in pain. You're a trooper for keeping his illusion intact.

A good massage is done with medium pressure, slow motions, and gentle hands. If I could give myself one I'd be in heaven; however, my arms would need to be twice as long as they are and have 2 or 3 more joints. Bummer.

You should give lessons to the massage impaired.

I would be glad to help out and I'd do it gratis. No one should be in pain after a massage.

Okay....we call it "Patti-pages"! That's....that's all I got.

I like it Shady. I do have one question: Is it named after our fellow blogger Patti or Miss Patti Page, The Singing Rage? (A lovely singer by the way.)

Our fellow blogger, of course. If Miss Patti Page can't be bothered to stop by and visit with us, she goes to the bottom of the list.

Ohhhh. You sound very commanding Shady. I quite like it.

Hey, hey, don't kick me off just yet. I only come here during work hours. The computer at home is on the fritz and I've been too lazy to upgrade to a new operating system. See, it's not my fault. Can't we just blame C?

Nobody is kicking you off Patti. If they try it just kick them back. I'll leave it to you as to where you aim your kick. :) I'm all for putting the blame at C's door.

Nobody's kicking Blogger Patti, she's always welcome! It's singer Patti Page that better start showing up more often.

I think Patti Page may have been overcome by the heat. Hasn't done a whole lot for me either. :(

You're in heat?

lol. I'll let you be the judge of that Shady. ;)

What a relief! Come to Cali Elle! It's going to be 74 degrees and the sun isn't even out yet at 10:15! Kinda wish it was warmer for the 4th though. You can come too Shady. You'd like all the beach girls. They're usually in heat if you have a lot of money.

I'd love to come out to Cali if we can go on a whale watch. Many whale watches actually. I must say that money is a very sleezy reason to be with someone. I prefer someone with intelligence, a great sense of humor, and a kind disposition.

This place isn't for the faint of heart.....faint of liver is okay, just not faint of heart.

You are valiant and steadfast. You'll be just fine Shady.

...and lactose tolerant. You left out lactose tolerant.

Thanks for that info. I suggest having a big ice cream sundae in celebration. Make mine a banana split please. With extra whipped cream and nuts.

California is for everyone. I truly love it here, just hate the traffic. And there are ice cream and frozen yogurt stores everywhere.

I'd enjoy visiting California but I'm not sure I could live with the possibility of earthquakes. Although in my area of PA we have had tornados in recent years. I guess you become accustomed to the hazards you know no matter where you live.

Really the quakes are just media hype. Just a few that are kinda scary. I never even had stuff come of shelves. Today would be a perfect day at the beach or by the pool. It nearly 90 degrees. Perfect summer weather.

Floating in the pool with a refreshing beverage sounds great. A seafood meal would make it a perfect day. Yum.

Soooooooo, Elle says she can't live with the possibility of earthquakes and Pennsylvania has an earthquake a day later.

Try this, Elle: "I can't live with the possibility that shady wins the powerball."

Sorry Shady. Here's my mantra for the next 24+ hours: I can't live with the possibility that Elle (and 2 coworkers) win the Powerball!!! Should that happen it's adios amigos and me and my Passport are outta here!

I think you can get into some parts of Cali with a passport. I have my money on Mega Millions. I will immediately move into a suite at the Four Seasons in Dana Point until I find my dream home.

Well, my travel plans are on hold. Looks like I'll be staying at my house for the forseeable future. Oh Happy Day.

Actually we are home too. No Four Seasons for us. I think we're going to paint our living room. Teal, so that's exciting.

Teal sounds nice. It's a combo of my two favorite colors. I repainted my bedroom in the spring. Light blue for the walls and decorating items in ivory, dark brown, and a darker blue. Turned out well if I do say so myself. Good luck on your painting!

Teal's a real color? I thought that was just a word chicks invented to see if straight guys were paying attention.

Yes Shady, teal is a real color. There is even teal blue and teal green depending on which color is predominant. Your reaction does make me wonder, what colors decorate your abode?

Stainless steel and barbed wire. You know, manly colors.

Those "decorating items" are only appropriate if you're a convict. You need some color and softness in your life Shady. You can also use fabric with patterns to be even more adventurous.

Pshaw! Next thing, you'll be telling me I shouldn't drink juice directly from the container.

You have a choice to make Shady. You can drink juice directly from the container; however, if you do we can no longer describe you as suave and debonair. We'll have to call you a schlub. In case you didn't know, that term is not a compliment.

Kierkegaard said: "Once you label me, you negate me".

Please let's not get into a discussion of existentialism. It's only Monday. To the point, I didn't label you nor would I ever negate you. Not my nature. Try this term on and see how you like it, hunkalicious. If you need further clarification just look in a mirror.

I see your point. We're all "hot" on the internet.

Some of us are "hot" in real life too. We each have our own perspective and we view life, and the people and events in it, with our own filters. Our emotions, opinions, experiences, and the qualities we value all play a part in how we see things. Beauty is not the only thing in the eye of the beholder.

Okay, the painting is done and pictures are on face book if you'd like to see them. It is very lovely. On a totally different note, I wonder if C ever comes by to read his comment page.

Congrats on getting your painting done Patti. Now you can enjoy the results. I'm not sure if C. pays attention to this blog anymore. Maybe he's been on a super long vacation this year.

Patti, did you hot-glue feathers to the ceiling or walls like that quirky little chicky-poo from Trading Spaces?

I'm sure that Patti's room looks classy and was tastefully done. Hildy's room looked like an explosion at the down pillow factory.

I wish I could upload a picture here. It really does look very nice. Sorry shady no feathers, just a few pictures and a couple of mirrors to admire ourselves.

I wonder if Shady has feathers glued to his ceiling and walls? That's a disturbing thought.

Finally! Somebody gets me!

Am I the first Shady?

I think Shady has been "gotten" before.

Ooooooo. Details. I want details.

A gentleman doesn't kiss and tell ;)

Very commendable Shady. Not even one little detail?

I'm sure he has written about it on his blog. If only I knew where it was. If only there were someone to direct me there.

I'm as lost as you Patti. Perhaps Shady will do the gentlemanly thing and help us out.

--------Monday Haiku-----
Haikus are easy
Yet sometimes they don't make sense
Refrigerator

Apparently Shady isn't going to help us out Patti.

Shady, you've stayed true to the Haiku form but shouldn't it be Tuesday Haiku? I'm just sayin'.

By the way, last week it was existentialism, this week it's Haiku. What's on tap for next week? String theory?

For clarity in regards to string theory...

1. If you mean the theory of special relativity that implies space and time are orthogonal vectors in a four dimensional geometry, then, I'm especially interested in Minkowski's "sliding constants" and how they affect temporal stability.

2.If you mean the racy sort of underwear worn by strippers and women who pop out of cakes,I'm especially fond of sequins.

I was referring to #1 but since I'm a beginner I can't really discuss the salient points.

In regard to #2 I think a soft, pliable, and colorful leather is nice. Although, it really comes down to how well he dances.

I suggest art as our next topic.

I have an oil on velvet painting of Elvis and The Last Supper.

LOL! I was thinking of Michaelangelo. It would seem that our tastes in art run in two very different directions.

I'm not sure what Ninja Turtles have to do with art, but we'll be glad to listen to your ideas.

I was actually referring to Michelangelo di Lodovico Buonarroti Simoni. Painter of the Sistine Chapel, sculptor of the Pieta and the statue of David. Exquisite works. I will admit that should I ever get to view the statue of David in person the imp in me will cause me to extend my thumb and forefinger into parallel lines over a certain area of the statue.

Oh, *that* guy. Yeah, I try to steer clear of Italian Renaissance artists as they are moody, and tend to shout out the endings of movies. Completely ruined the Sixth Sense for me.

Ummmm Shady, the Italian Renaissance ended around 1550. Either you are being haunted or you are psychic. Which is it?

1550 you say? Yeah, well I don't wear a watch.

No no no. Not 3:50 p.m. military time. The year 1550. Some 460 years ago. And I think you're fibbin' about that watch thing.

You two are very entertaining!

Thanks Patti. I think Shady enjoys being a contrarian at times. Maybe because he's a Taurus?

Sagittarius, thank you very much, and I'm an autumn. My colors are orange, brown and gold, but I'm told that green really makes my eyes "dance".

You're a Sag Shady? Truly? I would agree that green makes your eyes "dance". It's also one of my favorite colors. Hmmmmmm.

Lord Halifax once said: "Nothing has an uglier look than reason, when it is not on our side."

Clearly, he has never seen a bulldog eating chili.

I don't want to anywhere near the vicinity of a bulldog (or any other dog) eating chili. eeeeewwwwwww.

I'm a Sagittarus too! And I like orange as well! How exciting is this?! It's like finding my twin.

Right on! What's your view on single malt scotch and strippers?

As the Capricorn in the group I go for colors of the earth such as blue, green, and brown. I'm not a big drinker but a Long Island Iced Tea is my fav. As for strippers, I say save your money and just watch HBO.

H.B.O.? If you have to spell it in front of me, you probably shouldn't discuss it in mixed company ;)

HBO = Home Box Office. One of those premium movie channels. Nothing that's licentious. Well, not yet but that could change. ;)

I prefer good vodka, thank you Chelsea Handler. As for strippers, do you mean male or female? Actually I'm not crazy for either. Having a male stripper grind on you is just embarrassing. As for female strippers, I think you would get more mileage from your dollars spending it on a real women.

There's no need to muddy up things with details.

Remember Patti, a LI Iced Tea contains Vodka. And Rum. And Triple Sec. And Gin. And Tequila. Along with sour mix and Coca-Cola. If you try one I hope you get a bartender who knows how to make it. Some use too much gin, others use too much rum. Yo ho ho matey. Sorry if that was too much detail Shady.

Tequila, vodka, triple sec, gin, 151 and a half shot of Everclear..... make it a Three Mile Island Tea.

Wow Shady! I think a concoction like that should be called a Comatose Cocktail.

Take your protein pills and put your helmet on.....

This is Major Tom to Ground Control....

At least, here, we don't have to post a status in the third-person........ shady hates that.

Let's try the reverse Shady. What do you love?

To crush enemies, see them driven before me, and hear the lamentations of their women.....

--oh, and kittens...I love kittens, as well.

Ooooo. A powerful man who also has a tender side. Very attractive Shady. Very attractive. I do have to ask, were you wearing a loin cloth when you posted your first comment? Mmmmm.

mmmmmmaybe......

Ooooo. A vision to have sweet dreams by.

Wow--so much has happened in my absence. BTW, my husband has a loin cloth. Fortunately he doesn't drag it out that often. Not that he doesn't look good, I'm just not a loin cloth type of girl.

Welcome back, Patti. You also missed the new case-study from Duke University which proves that viewing Monk's blog not only makes readers more attractive, it makes them smell better, too.

Nice to see you back Patti. I think loin cloths would be fun from time to time. Just sayin'. Shady, I must have missed that case study but it's nice to know there are other benefits to this site that we weren't aware of before.

Numbers don't lie.

I admire the scientist in you Shady.

Case study? It sounds like a retrospective cohort study.

Great googaly moogaly!!! Patti, I think you've one upped Shady in the scientist department.