Thanks for participating in my poll. I value your opinion and will use the data to help make Utter Wonder an even stronger tour-de-force fair-to-middling blog than it already is. With that said, I'm taking tomorrow off. Have lots of GTA IV to play.

Have a nice weekend.

This post is dedicated to the Falkland Islands.

This post is dedicated to letting up when she lets up.

Earthquake in China
80% of buildings in some cities have been destroyed, thousands killed, many more missing.

Hillary Clinton
Once the heavy favorite, she's now behind in every voting metric and continues to sacrifice her legacy by using backward, right-wing campaign tactics to undermine her opponent and in turn hurt the chances of her party in the general election.

Star Jones and Barbara Walters' Feud
These two television giants continue to go at each other through the press. As of late, Star has taken the high road (no surprise, really), but Walters continues to hammer the former whale. When will it end?

Star Jones and Dwyane Wade's Relationship
I don't understand this. At all. Wilt Chamberlain is no doubt throwing up in his grave.

My Broken Wii
I had to wait a week just for the mailing slip from UPS to arrive in the mail, so I only was able ship it off to be repaired this past weekend. Probably won't get it back for another three weeks. In the meantime, Wii Fit is coming out and I won't be one of the first people to try the game. Totally sucks. If I can't be first, why bother? Am I right? I hate my life!

This post is dedicated to centaurs.

Note to my children: DON'T LET THEM MAKE ME FENCE WHEN I'M AN OLDY.

This post is dedicated to the University of Tennessee at Chattanooga.

Have a nice weekend.

This post is dedicated to onions.

This post is dedicated to Al Roker.

This post is dedicated to Mike Huckabee.

This post is dedicated to Esperanto.

My older son, I forget his name -- the one I beat at Wii Bowling all the time -- out of nowhere asked me what bears ate. I just looked at him like he was crazy. Is that what kids ask their parents usually? I don't think so. I'm only prepared to answer questions like, "Can I play the Wii, Daddy?" or "How come you're so awesome at Wii Golf, Daddy?"

Yesterday, my younger son -- the one I destroy in Wii Baseball -- kept getting frustrated while doing a jigsaw puzzle. Being his father I felt obligated to help him. But I couldn't get anywhere with the stupid thing. There was no fricking controller! So the two of us just sat there crying for half the day.

Finally that woman I married -- the one who's only beaten me at Wii Tennis once -- came over and gave us each a cookie and we started to feel a little better. Then we read a book about a talking donkey with a magic pebble. It was all right.

This is going to be the worst month ever.

This post is dedicated to tagging up.

...Or Bush talking about the economy?

This post is dedicated to being less popular than Nixon right before he resigned.

But then one month passed. And another. And then a few more, and still she hadn't been inducted. Seasons changed. Many famous celebrities died. The Red Sox won the World Series and a little girl named Miley posed semi-nude in Vanity Fair. And still no induction. What gives?

Well, I'd like to tell you that I was just busy with other things, like writing my book and playing video games, but I can't because that would be too honest and I'm not quite ready to reveal my deepest, darkest secrets to you just yet. So instead I'll tell you that the "real" reason Jody LaFerriere's induction has taken so long is a series of mishaps that ended with two dolphins colliding at Sea World.

The stuff that happened before the dolphin collision doesn't really matter now that there is a dead dolphin on our hands, so I won't waste your time getting into all those sordid scandals and failed telethons. A dead dolphin trumps everything. Let me say that I am sorry about the dolphins collision and the resulting death of one of the dolphins. Had I known this would happen I would have not asked Sea World to organize a dolphins show to honor Jody LaFerriere's induction to the Hall. I would have substituted a porpoise instead, or at the very least a sea lion. Sea lions die all the the time and nobody seems to care about it.

At any rate, the truth is it's really Jody's fault. Jody loves dolphins and because of that I organized the dolphins show for her. If Jody didn't love dolphins this never would have happened. So it's fair to blame everything on her and her love of dolphins. And just because I have no idea whether Jody actually loves Dolphins or not is not really pertinent to the discussion. No, I think what we've witnessed in the Democratic primary has proven that made up or deceptively embellished stories are much more important than the things that really matter.

So regardless of the truth, the show must go on. And even though she caused two dolphins to horrifically crash into one another, it wouldn't be right to deny Jody LaFerriere her UWHOF induction. Besides, she has been a long time reader of the Utter Wonder, and has a blog herself, which has been running for nearly twelve years now.

With that said, let's stare at our inductee's photo for a period no shorter than five-seconds.

One-Dead Flipper...

Two-Dead Flipper...

Three-Dead Flipper...

Four-Dead Flipper...

Five-Dead Flipper...

Well done! What do you think of Jody's photo? I think she looks great for somebody who appears to be on the other side of a prison's visiting room window. Doesn't she look like she's about to pick up the phone and tell us she never meant her love of dolphins to cause so much pain around the world? I think she does. Remorse is a beautiful thing. However, it's safe to say that we aren't quite ready to hear her apology, as we're all still in the angry and bitter stage of the grieving progress. So save your lies, Jody! Why couldn't you have loved sea lions instead?

On that note, I hereby officially induct Jody LaFerriere into Utter Wonder's Hall of Fame. For her efforts, she has received a signed copy of a fan letter I sent Star Jones. It's more than suitable for framing, as I'm sure she already has it up on display in her cell.

If you yourself would like to be a member of the Hall and are willing to wait for a period of one to eleven months for your induction, please send me a real photograph of yourself and you'll be well on your way to fair-to-middling blog fame.

This post is dedicated to eggplants.

But then one month passed. And another. And then a few more, and still she hadn't been inducted. Seasons changed. Many famous celebrities died. The Red Sox won the World Series and a little girl named Miley posed semi-nude in Vanity Fair. And still no induction. What gives?

Well, I'd like to tell you that I was just busy with other things, like writing my book and playing video games, but I can't because that would be too honest and I'm not quite ready to reveal my deepest, darkest secrets to you just yet. So instead I'll tell you that the "real" reason Jody LaFerriere's induction has taken so long is a series of mishaps that ended with two dolphins colliding at Sea World.

The stuff that happened before the dolphin collision doesn't really matter now that there is a dead dolphin on our hands, so I won't waste your time getting into all those sordid scandals and failed telethons. A dead dolphin trumps everything. Let me say that I am sorry about the dolphins collision and the resulting death of one of the dolphins. Had I known this would happen I would have not asked Sea World to organize a dolphins show to honor Jody LaFerriere's induction to the Hall. I would have substituted a porpoise instead, or at the very least a sea lion. Sea lions die all the the time and nobody seems to care about it.

At any rate, the truth is it's really Jody's fault. Jody loves dolphins and because of that I organized the dolphins show for her. If Jody didn't love dolphins this never would have happened. So it's fair to blame everything on her and her love of dolphins. And just because I have no idea whether Jody actually loves Dolphins or not is not really pertinent to the discussion. No, I think what we've witnessed in the Democratic primary has proven that made up or deceptively embellished stories are much more important than the things that really matter.

So regardless of the truth, the show must go on. And even though she caused two dolphins to horrifically crash into one another, it wouldn't be right to deny Jody LaFerriere her UWHOF induction. Besides, she has been a long time reader of the Utter Wonder, and has a blog herself, which has been running for nearly twelve years now.

With that said, let's stare at our inductee's photo for a period no shorter than five-seconds.

One-Dead Flipper...

Two-Dead Flipper...

Three-Dead Flipper...

Four-Dead Flipper...

Five-Dead Flipper...

Well done! What do you think of Jody's photo? I think she looks great for somebody who appears to be on the other side of a prison's visiting room window. Doesn't she look like she's about to pick up the phone and tell us she never meant her love of dolphins to cause so much pain around the world? I think she does. Remorse is a beautiful thing. However, it's safe to say that we aren't quite ready to hear her apology, as we're all still in the angry and bitter stage of the grieving progress. So save your lies, Jody! Why couldn't you have loved sea lions instead?

On that note, I hereby officially induct Jody LaFerriere into Utter Wonder's Hall of Fame. For her efforts, she has received a signed copy of a fan letter I sent Star Jones. It's more than suitable for framing, as I'm sure she already has it up on display in her cell.

If you yourself would like to be a member of the Hall and are willing to wait for a period of one to eleven months for your induction, please send me a real photograph of yourself and you'll be well on your way to fair-to-middling blog fame.

This post is dedicated to here comes the judge.

This post is dedicated to making your own dinner 'cause daddy is busy smacking up some virtual ho's.