I'm happy to report that my book is still clobbering Wet Cats. Sure, The Ultimate Game Guide to Your Life is ranked in six digits overall, but it's way ahead of those soaked kitties and at this point that's all that really matters. Word is there's talk of a wet bunnies book. I look forward to destroying those things as well.
THE ULTIMATE GAME GUIDE TO YOUR LIFE'S AMAZON RANK: #137,462
WET CATS' AMAZON RANK: #236,072
CONTEST! CONTEST! CONTEST!
Did that get your attention? Perhaps you should put down that Ding Dong? There. Good. Hi. So, yep, I'm holding a contest. In fact, not just a contest, but a contest with a prize. Best of all, anybody can win. All you have to do is enter.
I know, I know, I know. I'm awesome for doing this. Whatever. Thanks, but I'm just a man, really. A man wearing a better-than-average shirt and killer new slippers, but a man just the same. I'm also quite handsome. But that has nothing to do with the contest, which I'm sure you're just dying to learn about. So, without further ado, here the details:
THE REVIEW MY BOOK ON AMAZON CONTEST
Guidelines
#1. Buy my book. If you check it out of the library you will be disqualified. No exceptions. I like libraries just as much as the next guy, as they are full of books and transients and what have you, but I'm trying to make a living as an author here, so buck up and dish out the 12 bucks to buy my book. That's like two boxes of Ding Dongs. You can afford to make this sacrifice.
#2. Read my book. No phony reviews allowed. You must read my book before reviewing it. If nothing else, I'm all about integrity, so my contest must be integrilicious or else I will have failed all those who came before me. So read the book. Perhaps many of you have already. I wouldn't know because I have yet to receive a glowing email from any of you about how the book has changed your life, but maybe you're still drafting it.
#3. Review my book on Amazon.com. The review must:
- Be at least three sentences long
- Make no mention of any typos in the book
- List one reason why my book is better or worse than Wet Cats
- Be completely honest, as long as you don't go out of your way to hurt my feelings, i.e., like writing something mean about my shirt or slippers.
#4. Send me a photo of you holding my book. This is to verify that you actually have a copy of my book and aren't pretending you do to win the prize. Sorry for being so stickler-ish, but that's how I roll. If you would prefer I not post the pic on Utter Wonder or the Book Blog, let me know, and I'll acquiesce with nary a guilt trip. Feel free to be as creative or as non-creative as you want with the photograph. Just be sure that both you and my book are in the pic.
That's it. Every contest entrant who adheres to the guidelines will win the contest and be awarded with a genuine, officially licensed Ultimate Game Guide to Your Life magnet! It's the most awesome magnet ever -- it sticks to your fridge! And don't listen to what the press has said about the non-licensed Ultimate Game Guide to Your Life magnets being better than my officially licensed one. There are a lot of bitter people in the world and I can't help that. Besides, my magnet is way more awesome - you can stick it on your fridge!
Alrighty, that should do it. Write your review here; send your pic and mailing address to me here. Now go get reviewing!
I think with this post I firmly establish The Ultimate Game Guide to Your Life Blog as THE place to find links to interviews of me. Sorry, Entertainment Tonight blog: You guys failed. Best go find some interviews of some other barely known to try and corner the market on; this blog owns Christopher Monks. KABOOM.
At any rate, the gaming blog Game Set Watch features an interview with me where I describe what the "Christopher Monks" video game would look like. Here's an excerpt.
"What would the Christopher Monks Game® be?
I can’t say for sure, but I’m fairly certain that it would involve hanging around your house in your pajamas playing Word Twist on Facebook for hours on end. Perhaps there would also be a boss level where you’d have to go to Stop & Shop, buy a pint of Ben and Jerry’s, and return home before “The Office” begins.
For the rest of the interview, please go here.
There's a new interview with me available for you to love. I am now the 221st person to be interviewed by Claire Zulkey. I am nothing short of thrilled about this as I've been a fan of Claire's for a long time now. Here's an excerpt:
When I publish my book, do you recommend I check out my Amazon ranking or will it only lead to misery?
It depends on how often you check them. You don't want to overdo it or else you might go a little bonkers. I'd keep it to down to like 50 times a day. Anything over 50 or 60 times and your speaking voice will develop an unrelenting quiver. 70-90 times and you'll stop feeding your pet. Over 100 times and you'll begin to think that Hasselbeck girl on The View has a good head on her shoulders.
You can read the rest here.
The Boston Globe was kind enough to run an article about me and my book today. I'm quite pleased with it. The picture isn't so bad either. It's of me playing Mario Kart for the Wii, a game I rarely play, but the photographer said it made for a "good shot." (As if my rugged good looks weren't enough.) It was taken in my man attic. You can't make out much in the photo, except for my profile, the TV, and our teal-colored home entertainment center. Yes, my home entertainment center is teal. I hope that isn't a dealbreaker. If it is, I hope you've already bought my book at least. No givesies backsies. At any rate, you can read the whole piece right here.
The controversial third installment in a series of videos featuring me playing video game with my sons. As usual, don't call DSS on me. And in this one's case, I really, really mean it.
Playing Video Games With My Sons: EPISODE III - Grand Theft Auto IV from cmonks on Vimeo.
Despite my book's fading numbers on Amazon, the ORDER MY BOOK EXTRAVAGANZA cannot be stopped. Exhibit A: Another testimonial from a brave and courageous participant:
"It was an exhilarating experience buying "The Ultimate Guide..." on Amazon, my first visit to the site and it only took me 40 minutes to accomplish it. Yes, I was pretty proud of myself -- and I never would have had the experience if Chris hadn't written the book. So thanks Chris. And if the book turns out to be actually good, that's all gravy." - Dick M.
One can't help but be charmed and inspired by those words. Sure, he was too lazy to type out the full name of my book, but nobody is perfect. The most important thing is that he bought the thing. Have you?
Ah, numbers. Who really cares about numbers? When it comes right down to it, numbers are really just arbitrary, numerical things. Nobody looks at numbers any more. But since I've already committed to releasing my book's Amazon numbers from time to time, I can't stop now. No, that would be finky -- and I'm no fink. Wait, would that be finky? According to my spellchecker "finky" isn't even a word. So I guess that means I'm not finky because I can't be. So instead of finky I'll be heroic and awesome and fantastic and oh god my book's numbers are so UNINSPIRING.
BOOKS: #1,263 (Down too much to count from last ranking.)
BOOKS>ENTERTAINMENT>HUMOR>PARODIES: #6 (Down 4 spots.)
BOOKS>LITERATURE & FICTION>HISTORY & CRITICISM>UNITED STATES: #8 (Down 6 spots.)
BOOKS>ENTERTAIN...all right, I think we've seen enough. Like I said, numbers are really meaningless at this point. It's all about passion and love and reminding myself not to check the rankings of my book every fricking hour anymore. I can do it! I know I can! Will power!
Okay, yes, I realize posting this video constitutes going off on a major tangent. But still, for my money Cats In Diet Soda Boxes are far more compelling than Wet Cats. In fact, I think I have may have the next idea for my book. Here's hoping my cat likes boxes. Where's my Polaroid, anyway?
[Vid via Videogum]
Well, all good things must come to an end. I still say that if Sister Souljah and I were to have a history and criticism battle I'd totally mop the floor with her. I ooze history and criticism. Largely because I have a long history of being criticized. Just ask any of my former employers and girlfriends.
Ah, it was to be expected, I guess. Perhaps had I gotten Bill Clinton to say something reactionary about me, The Ultimate Game Guide to Your Life would still be at the top. I just think that sort of pandering is beneath that of a SUPERNOVA.
Anyway, if you'd like to help my book overtake her again, you know what to do.
My book's power didn't let a little thing like nighttime upset its status as a SUPERNOVA. The Ultimate Game Guide to Your Life is still in Amazon's Top 300, and it continues to be a juggernaut in all the same subcategory rankings, as well.
BOOKS: #298 (Wet Cats' rank: #331,512. Grab a towel, kitties - it's over.)
BOOKS>ENTERTAINMENT>HUMOR>PARODIES: #2 (Holding steady!)
BOOKS>ENTERTAINMENT>HUMOR>SATIRE: #5 (Holding steady!)
BOOKS>ENTERTAINMENT>HUMOR: #15 (Up a spot! Three places ahead of FOX and Friends co-host Steve Doocy's book about parenting. I don't know what's worse: that people are actually buying his book or that somebody was willing to mother his children.)
BOOKS>COMPUTERS & INTERNET>GAMES & STRATEGY GUIDES>VIDEO GAMES: #5 (Holding steady!)
BOOKS>LITERATURE & FICTION>HISTORY & CRITICISM>UNITED STATES: #1 (Holding steady! Sister Souljah finally called me late last night to concede. While I respect how she was graceful about it, I wish she hadn't of called during Top Design. She should know better. I loves my shows.)
Day one of the EXTRAVAGANZA went beyond my wildest dreams. Thanks again to everybody who took part in it. If you'd like to order my book and help continue its SUPERNOVA-LIKE ways, you may do so here. I'll continue to check in from time to time throughout the day with updates and whatever else I can think of, though I don't expect to be the fury of blogging power I was yesterday. One man can only do so much.
To close things down for what has been a busy but spectacular day, here are the latest rankings for The Ultimate Game Guide to Your Life on Amazon.
BOOKS: #280 (Down 13 spots from its all-time high of #267 a couple hours ago, but still totally eviscerating Wet Cats (#314,503).)
BOOKS>ENTERTAINMENT>HUMOR>PARODIES: #2 (Holding steady!)
BOOKS>ENTERTAINMENT>HUMOR>SATIRE: #5 (Holding steady!)
BOOKS>ENTERTAINMENT>HUMOR: #16 (Down a spot!)
BOOKS>COMPUTERS & INTERNET>GAMES & STRATEGY GUIDES>VIDEO GAMES: #5 (Holding steady!)
BOOKS>LITERATURE & FICTION>HISTORY & CRITICISM>UNITED STATES: #1 (Holding steady! One wonders why Sister Souljah even bothers, really.)
My sincere thanks to everyone who has made this a truly great day, the best birthday ever, in fact. If you haven't ordered yet, there's more than enough time to get in on the fun. Order here!. I'm also still taking testimonials from people who've purchased the book. Send those here. Finally, here's a mini recap of a few of the highlights of the day.
It begins!
The First Round of Testimonials.
My Interview At DriveTime.
Grand Theft Auto Tips For the Environmentally Conscious Father.
Sister Souljah is Vanquished.
Mini Game: Voting.
Thanks again, everyone. You all have really made my day.
My friend Dennis, who writes very funny books and is an editor at Comedy Central's Indecision 2008 blog has kindly published a bonus mini game that doesn't appear in The Ultimate Game Guide to Your Life. So consider it like a fancy "extra" from a DVD, only my book is not a DVD and neither is Comedy Central's Indecision 2008 blog. So whatever. At any rate, this mini game is quite topical, as it concerns voting. Please head over there and give it a read.
Click here to read the "Mini Game: Voting" at Comedy Central's Indecision 2008 Blog.
UPDATE!!!!
Amazon has more copies! So continue to order from there and disregard everything below.
#267 with a bullet!
Thanks to all your hard work, Amazon has completely sold out of my book. You can't even back-order it. Amazing. Would like to see Wet Cats try and do that. Thank you to everyone who has ordered! But we're not going to let a little thing like a mega superstore being out my book to put a downer on the EXTRAVAGANZA. Let's just move on to another store.
Thus until you hear otherwise our target retailer will be Barnes & Noble. Like Amazon is, their site is easy and fast to use, plus just as corporate and powerful and obnoxious. (Believe me I'd do Powell's instead, but they don't have as intense a ranking system as the other two have, plus the book is two and half bucks more expensive.) Right now The Ultimate Game Guide to Your Life is ranked 629, 062nd at Barnes & Noble. Let's see what we can do about that, huh.
And for the record, the book's final Amazon overall ranking before it sold out was #267. Fantastic! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
Alas, it seems The Ultimate Game Guide's "with a bullet" status has subsided, as its overall ranking has dropped a bit. The good news is that it's holding steady in all the other categories. I think that means it still qualifies as a GIGANTIC SUPERNOVA OF LITERATURE.
BOOKS: #313 (Down 20 spots, but still obliterating Wet Cats.)
BOOKS>ENTERTAINMENT>HUMOR>PARODIES: #2 (Holding steady! Mr. Hodgman surely feels my hot SUPERNOVA breath!)
BOOKS>ENTERTAINMENT>HUMOR>SATIRE: #5 (Holding steady!)
BOOKS>ENTERTAINMENT>HUMOR: #15 (Up a spot!)
BOOKS>LITERATURE & FICTION>HISTORY & CRITICISM>UNITED STATES: #1 (Holding steady!)
Let's see if we can turn the ship back around again and return to the Top 300 again. Please order if you haven't yet!
Well, it seems as if the EXTRAVAGANZA'S momentum has let up a bit. I've just received word that my planned half hour infomercial about The Ultimate Game Guide to Your Life has been rejected by all the major TV networks tonight. I'm not completely sure why, as you'd think American viewers would be more than interested in hearing me talk about my SUPERNOVA of a book. But from what I gather somebody else has beaten me to the punch.
Oh, well. Can't win them all. But you CAN order my book!
Some might wonder that if in my desperate drive to supplant Sister Souljah from the #1 spot in Amazon's History & Criticism list I forgot about my initial goal of destroying Wet Cats, another "humor" book made up entirely of photographs of wet cats. Well, no I haven't. Okay, maybe I did for a little bit, as the success was kind of going to my head, but I've settled down a bit and once again realize what is truly important: Making sure Wet Cats is nothing but a little blip in Amazon's universe when compared to the GIGANTIC SUPERNOVA my book has become.
So, in an effort to get back on track, let's take a look at the latest numbers:
THE ULTIMATE GAME GUIDE TO YOUR LIFE'S AMAZON RANKING: #293
WET CATS' AMAZON RANKING: #290,403
I know for the few Wet Cats fans out there those numbers aren't pretty. I'm sorry. Your bad; you picked the wrong horse. Thankfully, MY SUPERNOVA OF A BOOK is merciful and kind and will allow you back into its good graces provided you order my book from Amazon and send me your copy of Wet Cats for me to mock openly on the Internets. Email me and I will send you my mailing address.
I'm happy to announce that Sister Souljah is now officially taking up my rear eating my dust on Amazon's History & Criticism Top 100 list. I'd like to take this time to wish her the best. She ran a tough, hard fought campaign, but alas, my EXTRAVAGANZA was too much for her to handle.
BOOKS: #293 (Up 41 places since last hour!)
BOOKS>ENTERTAINMENT>HUMOR>PARODIES: #2 (Up From #3, still on Mr. Hodgman's heels!)
BOOKS>ENTERTAINMENT>HUMOR>SATIRE: #5 (Holding steady!)
BOOKS>ENTERTAINMENT>HUMOR: #16 (Holding steady!)
BOOKS>LITERATURE & FICTION>HISTORY & CRITICISM>UNITED STATES: #1 (Up from #2; I AM THE CHAMPION OF ALL HISTORY AND CRITICISM IN THE UNITED STATES!)
Thanks to all who have participated. Teacher says every time somebody buys my book an angel gets its wings! So, what are you waiting for? Go get wing making!
Yep, they keep coming in. I feel like George Bailey at the end of "It's A Wonderful Life" - only the EXTRAVAGANZA has really just begun!
"Almost can't wait for it to arrive so I can get my life in order. Happy Birthday, Mr. Monks!" - Jeremy C.
"As a long time reader and 3 to 4 time commenter of Utter Wonder, I have been anticipating this day since you first mentioned your "Order My Book Extravaganza". I believe my subscription to ESPN The Mag will be expiring soon, so your book will be a welcome replacement within the confines of my bathroom." - Cameron L.
"I came on to get the info and order my copy and then I saw the video of your kids. :o)You have really got a gift for marketing Mr. Monks. Now- I may just buy 2." - Cindy S.
"Happy Birthday. As a present, I may just buy MYSELF a book. How's that for being a selfish jerk?" - Jonathan K.
That's right, The Ultimate Game Guide to Your Life is now an official "Mover and Shaker in Books" on Amazon. It's right up there with Philip Roth and a book about fractal geometry. I might be going way out on a limb here, but I am willing to bet that my book is way funnier than the book about fractal geometry. Call me crazy, but I can feel it in my gut.
Now, on to the latest numbers...
BOOKS: #334 (Up 65 places since last hour!)
BOOKS>ENTERTAINMENT>HUMOR>PARODIES: #2 (Up From #3, right behind Mr. Hodgman!)
BOOKS>ENTERTAINMENT>HUMOR>SATIRE: #5 (Down from #2, but I can live.)
BOOKS>ENTERTAINMENT>HUMOR: #16 (Up from #19)
BOOKS>LITERATURE & FICTION>HISTORY & CRITICISM>UNITED STATES: #2 (Up from #3; Sister Souljah must be sweatin' bullets!)
Keep up the good work, people! You're all the wind beneath my wings! ORDER! ORDER! ORDER!.
I have a new piece up over at the fine lit humor site Yankee Pot Roast today. YPR was one of the first sites to publish stuff of mine and they are kindly doing what they can to help out with the EXTRAVAGANZA. This new piece concerns a popular video game, Grand Theft Auto, so it's kind of a perfect fit for today's festivities. Please head over there and check it out -- after you've ordered my book, of course.
Click to read "Grand Theft Auto IV Tips for the Environmentally Conscious Father" on YANKEE POT ROAST.
BOOKS: #399 (Up from #849 just over an hour ago!)
BOOKS>ENTERTAINMENT>HUMOR>PARODIES: #3 (Up from #5)
BOOKS>ENTERTAINMENT>HUMOR>SATIRE: #3 (First time in Top Ten!)
BOOKS>ENTERTAINMENT>HUMOR: #19 (First Time in Top 20 -- it's ahead of Colbert!)
BOOKS>LITERATURE & FICTION>HISTORY & CRITICISM>UNITED STATES: #3 (After some thought, I now think this is a perfectly acceptable category for my book and I will do all I can to DOMINATE IT.)
Thanks to all who have ordered! If you haven't yet, please do! Help me give Sister Souljah the what for!
A few more shout outs from the brave and mighty who have taken part in today's ORDER MY BOOK EXTRAVAGANZA...
"Just ordered the book and it felt good. You know, I always thought I had my life in control until I found out this book was available. Now I'm in a total panic until it arrives at my doorstep." - Bob N. (UWHOF Member)
"This is by far the best Order My Book Extravaganza I've ever been a part of because it was so simple. You, Amazon.com and other pioneers of eCommerce have really taken the bitch work out of buying a book. I will recommend this Extravaganza to all my friends who hate leaving home to buy stuff. Well done." - Darci R.
"Today I pre-ordered this fine tome on Amazon. At the same time, I purchased the new Alice Sebold in paperback, partly to express my feminine side, but mostly because I thought "Lovely Bones" was hysterical. Upon completing my order, Amazon had posted recommendations based on my order. Imagine my horror that the internal computing robotics recommendations engine at Amazon thought I should wish to purchase the new Oasis album, based on these two book buys. I blame Sebold." - Greg X.R. (Programmer of man-eating robots)
Two websites are featuring excerpts from book today: My friend Claire Zulkey's site, Zulkey.com, is running a few mini games from "Level II: Your Childhood"; and McSweeney's Internet Tendency, my place of employment,* has posted some mini games from "Level III: Your Adolescence."
Please check them out.
* - An enormous conflict of interest to be sure, but if nothing the else the hate mail I'll receive from people I've rejected will be entertaining.
BOOKS: #849 (Up from #7,459 just over an hour ago!)
BOOKS>HUMOR>ENTERTAINMENT>HUMOR>PARODIES: #5 (Up from #14)
BOOKS>COMPUTERS & INTERNET>GAMES & STRATEGY GUIDES>VIDEO GAMES: #7 (Up from #26)
BOOKS>LITERATURE & FICTION>HISTORY & CRITICISM>UNITED STATES: #5 (Up from #29. This still baffles me. Al the same, look out, Sister Souljah! I'm coming for you!)
Thank you, thank you, thank you for ordering! Let's keep reaching for the stars!!
Ravi Jain, co-host of DriveTime the best talk show in a car in the history of talk shows in cars has a brand new interview with me up on his site. In it we discuss my book, the ORDER MY BOOK EXTRAVAGANZA, and I offer a tip on voting this coming election day. Check it out!
"If you get your book AND the Muppet Christmas Carol, you get free shipping! With the $2.60 from the discount on your book, it's like I'm making money! Concerning the 20% discount, you should remind people that the more they buy the more they save. Good luck." - Roman V.
"After years of profitless blogging had left my damaged wrists virtually useless from severe carpal tunnel, I feared I would not be physically able to purchase your new book. Still, I soldiered on, pushing the mouse with my nose to your provided hyperlink. Oddly enough, with each passing moment, my powers began to return to me until --ultimately-- I was able to click 'proceed to checkout' with my now functioning hand. And just now, I did the 'hand jive' for the first time in years. God bless you Mr. Monks and your beautiful book." - Wayne G.
“I ordered this book sight unseen last week for my brother who got married, became a father, and is getting divorced all at the age of 23 and he says of this opus. 'The writer has a good sense of humor.'”
- Ken V.
"I was psyched to participate in Monks' Order My Book Extravaganza. Having chosen the '5 business days' form of delivery, I'll have at least one thing to look forward next Tuesday." - John McCain via MIke G.
Keep those testimonials coming, people! They not only inspire others, but they inspire me. So much so that I'm going to change out my pajamas and get this day started!
BOOKS: #7,459 (Up over 25,000 spots!)
BOOKS>HUMOR>ENTERTAINMENT>HUMOR>PARODIES: #14 (Up 32 spots!)
BOOKS>COMPUTERS & INTERNET>GAMES & STRATEGY GUIDES>VIDEO GAMES: #26 (First time in top 100 for this category!)
BOOKS>LITERATURE & FICTION>HISTORY & CRITICISM>UNITED STATES: #29 (Huh? Who cares? I''l take it!)
Thanks to all who've order a copy so far! Please keep it up! Let's show those 25 other History and Criticism books what's what!
THE ORDER MY BOOK EXTRAVAGANZA HAS BEGUN! from cmonks on Vimeo.
THE NUMBERS:
The Ultimate Game Guide to Your Life's Amazon Ranking: #32,487
Its ranking on the Humor/Parodies List: 46
YOUR CHARGE:
1. Click this link to Amazon -- actually, no, wait, read the rest of the charge -- THEN click the link. Sorry, this step should be last. Though, I'm not sure it would make sense if it came at the the end. I suppose I should have thought this through a little better. Ah well.
2. Order my book.
3. Give yourself a hug. You deserve it.
4. Send me a testimonial, describing how fantastic it felt to buy my book.
5. Check back here throughout the day for updates and whatnot.
THANK YOU!
'Twas the night before the ORDER MY BOOK EXTRAVAGANZA and all through the virtual bookstore not a creature was stirring not even a...alrighty, I don't have the patience to continue with that. Why? Because tomorrow is too big a day. It's like seventeen Christmases (or twelve Hanukkahs and three Yon Kippurs) at the same time. I'll be updating the site regularly with updates on my book is doing amazon, plus literally three of four more surprises.
So make sure you and your credit card gets plenty of rest tonight, for tomorrow we all shall EXTRAVAGANZANIZE!
I've set up a page for The Ultimate Game Guide to Your Life on Facebook. I was reluctant to because there is nothing worse than a "fan" type page that only has like, 13 fans. Still, I'm doing anything I can to get the word out about my book, so if only 13 people "fan" me then whatever. It's not like I don't cry everyday already.
At any rate, if you're on Facebook and don't use it primarily as a way to stalk members of the opposite sex, please feel free to become a fan of The Ultimate Game Guide's Facebook page. I know you haven't read the book yet and thus aren't sure if you really want to become a fan of it, but all the same, you have to admit that it's a much more productive use of your time than sending and resending friend request after friend request to that cute waitress you saw at Applebee's.
She's just not into you. Let. It. Go.
First the good news: As of this posting, my book is ranked 69 spots ahead of Wet Cats. The bad news: It's ranked 150,293rd overall. It's also completely out of the Top 100 Humor Books list. Thankfully, in one day that will change, as the ORDER MY BOOK EXTRAVAGANZA will skyrocket my book to the top. Or to be more realistic, at least into the top 1000 or so. Actually, I don't care how high it ends up just as long as it increases its lead over Wet Cats. Wet Cats needs to eat Ultimate Game Guide's dust, if only to dry them off. Cats don't like being wet. I know this from personal experience.
On Wednesday, October 29th (Kate Jackson's and my birthday) I'm asking everyone I know (and a few select strangers) to order my book on Amazon. This is in hopes to boost my book's Amazon ranking and allow it some more exposure on that Kindle-loving site. Stay tuned for updates between now and then. In the meantime, please enjoy the fancy countdown clock that took me 15 grueling and soul wrenching hours to make.
I know, I know, I know. You haven't even gotten a chance to read my book yet and already I'm forcing tchotchkes and clothing on you. Pushy and annoying. I understand. Still, my Ultimate Game Guide to Your Life-themed tchotchkes and clothes are really quite spiffy. Best of all, I make like $2 for every item sold. That means if I sell 25 things I'll have enough to buy five and a half dozen donuts or a video game. Can't beat that. I mean, what's better than donuts and video games?
My point exactly.
Here is installment #2 of me playing video games with my sons. If you give it a chance and let it into your heart I think you'll come out on the other end a better person.
Playing Video Games With My Sons: EPISODE II - Madden NFL 09 from cmonks on Vimeo.
So it seems, my book is such an unbelievable force that no preassigned release date can hold it back: The Ultimate Game Guide to Your Life is now available for purchase. Not for pre-ordering purchase, but for ordering-it-will-be-delivered-to-your-home-in-1-to-3-days purchase. My guess it will also start turning up in bookstores within the next week or so.
This is all terribly exciting, of course, but it does throw a small wrench into my "Pre-Order Extravaganza" plans. For one, the name "Pre-Order Extravaganza" is no longer accurate, and now all the headbands and key chains I had made up to promote the big day are kind of obsolete. Still, I won't let that keep me down. That's what sharpies were invented for, right? Besides, who wouldn't want a headband promoting a humor book with part of a word blackened out on it -- done by himself and/or one of his children, no less?
Nobody!
Anyway, my "Pre-Order Extravaganza" on Wednesday, October 29 is still a go. So rest up those pre-ordering fingers of yours!
Here is the first in a series of shorts featuring me playing video games with my two sons.* In this one we're playing LEGO Indiana Jones. Please don't call DSS on me. Thank you.
Playing Video Games With My Sons: EPISODE I - LEGO Indiana Jones from cmonks on Vimeo.
*For the record, this does not break my very famous pledge, as this is a different blog. So, you see, it doesn't count.
It's my book! In the flesh, no less. Not that my book is made out of flesh, of course. It was just an expression. No, that sort of thing wouldn't be allowed. At least not these days. Perhaps in medieval times it was, when there were dragons and Orcs walking around, but here in the 21st century people would frown on books made of flesh. Plus storing them would be kind of a hassle what with refrigeration costs, etc. Bookstores are having a hard enough time staying in business as it is. Imagine what it would be like if they had to pay the costs for storing flesh books on top of everything else. The electricity bill for the coolers alone would be through the roof.
Anyway, there's really no need to worry about all that because, as you can see, my book is not made of flesh. It's made out of paper and ink and stuff. Honest. Pretty soon you can have one of your very own to verify this. I'll be asking those who are interested in pre-ordering the book to do so on Wednesday, October 29th, exactly three weeks from today. So consider this the official start of the countdown to the "Ultimate Game Guide to Your Life's Pre-Order Extravaganza! I even have included a fancy countdown clock to remind you how much time is left until the big day.
Awesome, huh? Took me 15 hours to make that. It's still not perfect, but whatever. I refuse to work on the thing anymore, so don't ask. Really, I've had it up to here with that stupid countdown clock. It was like the thing had some sort of personal vendetta against. What gives?
Anyway, I'll be updating this blog more frequently now that the countdown to the "Pre-Order Extravaganza" has begun, so please check back often for updates. Thanks!
My book is now available for pre-order "The Ultimate Game Guide to Your Life" from Amazon and other fine stores. But if you can, please don't go breaking out your credit card just yet. I plan to get to hold a National Pre-Order My Book Day in October. The goal will be to get everyone I know to pre-order on the same day, so as to up my book's Amazon ranking. So stay tuned.
In the mean time, somebody please explain to me why a search for "Christopher Monks" on Amazon brings up a book by Christopher Buckley before it does mine. What gives? I bet Garfunkel is behind it. Jeez oh man, Art, let it go.
Here is a link to a list of every book Art Garfunkel has read since 1968. You'll notice that my book did not make the cut. Why? I don't know. Perhaps, it's because my book isn't out yet. I hope that's the only reason. I'm pretty sure I haven't done anything to offend Mr. Garfunkel. There was that time I crashed his niece's sweet sixteen party, but surely that wasn't the first time somebody had vomited in his pool? I mean, he's friends with David Crosby, right?
Looks like there will be robots in my book after all. At first there were lots of robots. Then there were some robots. Then there weren't any at all. But now they're back again. So all you robot fans can now rest easy. My book will have robots in it. Please take down the tent city you've erected on my lawn. You've won. Hope you're happy. My hydrangeas certainly will be. THAT'S BECAUSE THEY WON'T HAVE YOU AROUND TO PEE ON THEM ANYMORE.