CONTEST! CONTEST! CONTEST!

Did that get your attention? Perhaps you should put down that Ding Dong? There. Good. Hi. So, yep, I'm holding a contest. In fact, not just a contest, but a contest with a prize. Best of all, anybody can win. All you have to do is enter.

I know, I know, I know. I'm awesome for doing this. Whatever. Thanks, but I'm just a man, really. A man wearing a better-than-average shirt and killer new slippers, but a man just the same. I'm also quite handsome. But that has nothing to do with the contest, which I'm sure you're just dying to learn about. So, without further ado, here the details:

THE REVIEW MY BOOK ON AMAZON CONTEST

Guidelines
#1. Buy my book. If you check it out of the library you will be disqualified. No exceptions. I like libraries just as much as the next guy, as they are full of books and transients and what have you, but I'm trying to make a living as an author here, so buck up and dish out the 12 bucks to buy my book. That's like two boxes of Ding Dongs. You can afford to make this sacrifice.

#2. Read my book. No phony reviews allowed. You must read my book before reviewing it. If nothing else, I'm all about integrity, so my contest must be integrilicious or else I will have failed all those who came before me. So read the book. Perhaps many of you have already. I wouldn't know because I have yet to receive a glowing email from any of you about how the book has changed your life, but maybe you're still drafting it.

#3. Review my book on Amazon.com. The review must:
- Be at least three sentences long
- Make no mention of any typos in the book
- List one reason why my book is better or worse than Wet Cats
- Be completely honest, as long as you don't go out of your way to hurt my feelings, i.e., like writing something mean about my shirt or slippers.

#4. Send me a photo of you holding my book. This is to verify that you actually have a copy of my book and aren't pretending you do to win the prize. Sorry for being so stickler-ish, but that's how I roll. If you would prefer I not post the pic on Utter Wonder or the Book Blog, let me know, and I'll acquiesce with nary a guilt trip. Feel free to be as creative or as non-creative as you want with the photograph. Just be sure that both you and my book are in the pic.

That's it. Every contest entrant who adheres to the guidelines will win the contest and be awarded with a genuine, officially licensed Ultimate Game Guide to Your Life magnet! It's the most awesome magnet ever -- it sticks to your fridge! And don't listen to what the press has said about the non-licensed Ultimate Game Guide to Your Life magnets being better than my officially licensed one. There are a lot of bitter people in the world and I can't help that. Besides, my magnet is way more awesome - you can stick it on your fridge!

Alrighty, that should do it. Write your review here; send your pic and mailing address to me here. Now go get reviewing!